Monday, September 29, 2014

Balancing

School. Marriage. Ministry

Three equally important aspects in my life

Three schedules I am struggling to handle

I have been so stressed out trying to equally balance the three, when God clearly has shown me that it is not possible. But how do you decide which to give up?

Which of the three is less important than the other two?

If I gave up School: 
God has me at MSU for a reason, I mean, hello I came to Christ because of His pursuit of me through my college ministry. So to quit on that, to quit on my education and future career seems like a huge no thank you to me

If I gave up my Marriage:
You're kidding right?

If I gave up my Ministry:
My identity is in Christ. I am here to do His work above all else. To give up leading a Bible study, give up discipling my girls, give up the relationships I've created with people? Can I even call myself a follower of Christ at that point? I don't think so

And I've tried, believe me I've tried balancing.

When I focus on my marriage, my ministry begins to fail. I take my time spent on meeting with girls, and spend it with my husband, only to be called out and told I am not carrying my weight.

I focus on school and my marriage starts to fail. I am angry towards my husband, irritable and overwhelmed with work to the point where we are basically roommates.

I focus on ministry, my grades reflect my neglect. I take time away from studying and doing homework to attend Bible study, go to weekly events, meet up with girls and build into them. ANd my grades aren't happy about that.

So what do I get rid of? Where do I cut back? Something has to change, I am one person and there literally are not enough hours in the day to accommodate everyone and everything. Oh and did I mention I also have a job? I need money for food and living expenses, so that can't go either.

As of now, I am ready to throw in my towel, give up on everything and do nothing, because I am so overwhelmed and stressed that I dread waking up each day.

And that is not ok

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